Sunday, March 15, 2009

Apologies All Around

I know, it's been a month. I have never taken a month off like this. Truthfully it's not a month "off" and over this month I've tried to start writing this post. Six times if I've tried once.

But my energy level has allowed for the odd tweet or Facebook post still. Perhaps my writing endurance has been affected by only being allowed 140 characters. :)

I've been writing quite a bit offline. I edit profiles for an online dating site, I have written and edited portions of my work's training manual, finished one round of edits on the 85K manuscript that's out this spring. Now I sit before a list that includes TWO large manuscript edits (one due tomorrow), more profiles and two articles.

I worry that I'm burning out. My passion for writing is waning. I'm still "a writer" but there's so much else in my cup right now that it all seems like a chore.

Part of the problem is that I don't know how to sit down and relax. Even when I appear to be relaxed, I am not. I'm either planning what I'm doing next or avoiding something with forced relaxation. ("No, I'm just lying here. I refuse to do anything. Nope, not moving. Maybe if I just pull these covers over my head.")

The weekends are the worst - it seems that when I'm at work I can get things done from moment to moment because there's a definite structure. Sales reports. Check customer accounts. Prepare sales flyers. Manage staff. (They are always good for a quick emergency or two a day.)

But on the weekends I feel like I'm 500 pounds and unable to move. I sit and stare out the window or I putter around, feeling exhausted by a task like taking the laundry downstairs. (It never manages to get folded.)

But, I'm off to church now. The only place that I do find some rest and relaxation. (It's just the 'getting ready with kids' part that takes up the energy.)

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