Today? Yeah, today tested that theory like double mocha chip ice cream tests my willpower. It was the trifecta of trouble. A day that makes you want to scream What The F.... fudge.
Work? Sideways accounts.
Kids? Worst behaviour in a long time.
Writing? Way behind.
Family? Ok, not so bad... hubby picked up some slack.
I was at my wit's end. I even called a prayer line, a really great one Crossroads Ministry has a 24-hour prayer line. A very nice lady read my Psalms 121:
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
It helped, a lot. And it brought something home for me. Sometimes optimism isn't enough. Sometimes we have to surrender completely. The other day I read an essay by Max Lucado about how we don't have any control or authority over the powers of evil. That kind of took me by surprise because all these years I've been all 'get the behind me Satan' in my rough patches.
Oh no, we don't have authority at all.... God does. Our job is basically to draw closer to Him and THEN evil will flee. Kind of like a kid running closer to her parent and the bully thinking "yeah, I can't take that big one". We are told we have the power and authority to RESIST. Just not the
So that's what I tried today. I have tried willing myself to perform better as a mother, I've tried willing the evil away, I've tried all except surrendering, throwing my hands up and saying "I can't".
Today I tried. Today it worked. Even my husband complimented me on how I handled things. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, NOT reacting. But I did it. I hope next time is just a little bit easier. My inner optimist hopes it will be.