Wanna come to church?

My Pastor is now podcasting his sermons. And he's really funny....

Listen here.

I'm listening to the Mother's Day sermon right now and it's very good. Pastor Steve is very funny!

In this storm...

For you are who you are. No matter where I am.

The BIG FLASHING NEON SIGN

Ok God. I get it. I need to shut up. Gotitthanksbye.

Over the weekend I had Minor Meltdown #876.

Bills! Book deadline! Work! Sick baby! Husband/job thing! Indecisiveness!

I couldn't even pinpoint what I was frustrated about. I'd get half-way through a line of criticism and realize I didn't know what I was talking about, or I'd changed my mind. I was trying to make logic out of a yarn of insanity, spit and crazeeee glue.

After Major Man beat a hasty retreat (who wouldn't?) and I calmed down (read: started to feel stupid), I turned to my bible for a little reading. And I picked up a devotional. Then I read a bit in an eNewsletter I get for Christian women. Then I read another devotional-type book.

And I swear on a stack of youknowhats that every single verse I came across said: "Think before you speak. Shut up a lot more." (sic)

Got it. Shutting up more.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a complicated thing when we try to analyze it. We pick it apart like an old wool sweater so we can see just how it's put together. Then we try to make it fit our body, wrapping it around ourselves and trying to re-knit it together.

But it never works that way. It is uncomfortable, lumpy and there are holes that the winds of doubt blow through, chilling you to the bone.

I'm not talking about forgiveness of others - I am talking about forgiveness of self.

In some ways it is easier to forgive others than yourself. You can push something aside and with enough will it seems you can forgive it. But with yourself, it's as though you wear glasses tinged with guilt and you see each action as a reflection on your guilt.

So what is forgiveness? It's not something that you can put on, like that old sweater. It's not something you can feel or hold in your hand.

After spending quite a bit of time praying today, I figured a few things out... or rather, God helped me to figure them out.

1. Forgiveness must be received - it's not just given.

2. It is received in your heart and it must be received - God expects you to receive it.

3. God does not want us wandering around this world without receiving forgiveness. "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)

None of this absolves you from having to face the consequences of any actions here on earth. But it does help to focus you on the eternal rather than the earthly. In many ways it increases the weight of personal responsibility because you know you cannot, should not and will not avoid that personal earthly consequence, but that it does not change your value in the eyes of God.

Prayers for Personality Types

I really wish I knew who wrote this because I laughed my BUTT off!!

ISTJ: Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41.23 a.m. EST.

ISTP: God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

ESTP: God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

ESTJ: God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask.

ISFJ: Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don't mind my asking).

ESFP: God, help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing.

ESFJ: God, give me patience, and I mean right NOW.

INFJ: Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta

ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th - Look a bird - ing at a time.

ENFJ: God, help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing?

INTJ: Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

INTP: Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ENTP: Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

ENTJ: Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

Amen.

Is this you? Because it sure is me....

I watched this video today and it really struck home. How easy is it to go through your day moment by moment and assume that you are the only character in your novel.

Yes, we're the main characters in our novels. But we have to remember that each person we meet has their own story. God help me to remember this.

I'm Thankful For...

1. My Father, who hears me.
2. My husband who knows me
3. My son who shows me how to live
4. My daughter who teaches me to smile
5. My parents to whom I owe much
6. My in-laws who gave me my husband
7. My ex-in-laws who have left an enduring mark
8. My ex-husband, who taught me the messy, practical side of forgiveness
9. My friends who inspire me
10. My job, it comes with responsibility and teaches me humility
11. The opportunities I have in life
12. My childhood, as dysfunctional as all childhoods are
13. My agent, the quiet little pitbull
14. My publisher, for continuing to have faith in me
15. Soldiers
16. My country (kind of vague... but I'm thankful I was born here)
17. My writing ability, I'm never going to be done learning how to be better at it
18. My husband's financial acumen
19. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms
20. This breath. Right now.

Today's sermon at church was all about being thankful. A thankful heart is the gateway for so many blessings, I hope I can remember to be thankful year round.

It is far too easy to complain about things in life. How easy is it to say "I don't like that, or that, or that..." Instead I choose to be thankful for something every day. No, every hour... every minute.

Spreading Light

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
- Edith Wharton

I don't really think that anyone can truly be the candle. I think probably the candle is God and the mirror is what we are supposed to be... us humans, trying mightily to reflect God's light.

Or some trying not so mightily.

In the workplace it can be hard to be a Christian without offending others. I admit, sometimes I settle for just appearing to be a good person. But I want people to know I'm a Christian. For one, I want them to hold me to a higher standard. I don't believe that just being a good person is good enough. I want them to know that my God expects more.

Dear co-worker: know that I pray for you. I pray for your strength and for mine. I pray that we heal and you find a light inside yourself that you can't help but reflect.

Break My Heart

A few weeks ago while watching a Christian program I heard the phrase "Break my heart with that which breaks Yours". I prayed that phrase, hoping that God would show me the things in my life that I was glossing over or ignoring. The pain of others. The saddness of others. The hurt in my own family. And He sure has.

Today I had to go in to talk to my son's teacher about an incident at school yesterday. It was no biggie really, he's has so many good days that we expected some kind of regression. Especially since his teacher has been away for a week and then my son had been sick for several days. He needed to get back into his routine...

Anyways. The teacher was out of the class for a while yesterday because she had to go down to the Children's Hospital to talk with a host of other experts about a child at the school who was being taken away from his family by Social Services. It really hit me... a child in my son's school was being taken away. This child had spent the last 8 weeks at the school at the Childrens's Hospital, and now that he or she has recovered from whatever abuse, Social Services needed to step in. And it broke my heart. I sat in the truck and cried.

How can these lives swirl around us and we have no idea? I look out at the playground and it's easy to see kids screaming, playing, running. But there are wars being waged. There are hearts being broken, children fighting their way to the top of the heap. Friendships made now may colour their lives forever. Lessons learned now will play out over and over for the rest of their lives.

A group of boys ran by, a trio followed by a straggler. The straggler met my eye and I was struck by what I saw there. He was at least Grade Five, older than my Kindergartener, but as he looked at me I saw the soft roundess of his face, the eager cut of his hair, the blue eyes that laid on me with a little fear because of my adult status. Not yet hardened by a desire to strike out at what scares him, but a softness that said "I still believe that adults can save me".

God, please keep breaking my heart with what breaks yours so that I might be a better person in the eyes of children.