Friday, April 09, 2010

I miss the dog

I miss that darn dog so much that I can't think about him without crying. I know he's just a substitute since I lost the baby on the same day the dog left. I know that my grief isn't just for the dog so I keep trying to remember all the bad things he did. You know, chewing shoes and waking me at 5 am because he thinks it's time to get up and, well, that was about it.

But I keep remembering his eyes when he'd lay his head on my lap. How he'd press his head down on my lap and wrap his paw around my leg. How my daughter would laugh and giggle while she'd try to wrestle with him.

I know it was the right choice to let him go, so my family could be whole and my husband could trust that I'd listen to him.

I know that what I miss is holding a baby. Writing down names. Feeling the kick in my belly. Spending my days with my family and not going to work. Smelling baby breath. Choosing cute outfits. Nursing.

But I can`t miss that because it didn`t happen. It was too early, it was too small.

But I do miss the dog.

1 comment:

Divawrites said...

My first adoption fell through before I ever saw the baby. Her room was decorated and waiting for her. Her name was, and always will be in my heart, Sarah. She'll be 6 in September.
It happened in your heart and your emotions. It counts.
Hugs.