My son is growing so incredibly fast. Many days I am impatient and find myself wishing he were in grade one already or that he would stop being afraid of the shower at the swimming pool or that he'd realize that he needs to eat some supper within some reasonable time frame that is shorter than an hour.
And then I forget about when he was really small and I would rock him to sleep every night and say "I'd better rock him now because someday he won't let me." And that day is almost here. He'll let me hold him or rock him in the big chair, but only on certain days or after he's stubbed his toe or fallen down. One day he'll be too big, one day he really will be a big boy.
I want to remember how he used to say s'lookit instead of 'look at that'. How he says toot sometimes instead of toque. "Look, mom, her toot has a flower on it!"
I read a book tonight with a chapter on how to recognize your children's strenghts. I was worried because my son's might be "doing cool tricks on his skateboard game". But when I thought about it I realized somethings:
My son has amazing empathy. He can almost sense someone else's emotions. He knows if I'm frustrated by the sound of my breathing. One day when I was dating my (now) husband long distance we had just returned from dropping him off at the airport. I was in my room and my son was playing in the living room. I was allowing myself to have a little cry because I was sad to see Randy go.
I had my back to the door as I was sitting on my bed and did not notice my son slip in until he reached up to put his little hand on my shoulder and said "Do you miss Randy, mommy?" How can a three year old know this?
My son has a great vocabulary. He loves to learn new words and uses them, he'll hear any word and ask what it means. (Which means we have to be careful when he watches TV!) Words like consequences, accept, decline, incredible, arrest.... ("If we go too fast and the police catch us, will they unrest us, mommy?)
I hope and pray that I can recognize more of his strong suits. That I can accept and encourage them, even when they are things I know nothing about. I want my son to grow up knowing that his mom encouraged him to follow his heart. If he likes somethings I do, then that's great. Even better if I learn about what he wants to do.
For now, I want to spend less time worrying and wondering about what he will become and spend more time relishing in the unique little boy that he is. I want to remember every misspoken word and clever joke and every quiet little moment together.